Most of my blog post are lighthearted and fun. I rarely have ranting posts (except about the weather…hate winter!). But this subject has been really bugging me for the last week or so and I really feel I need to get it out there.
I keep most of my “dirty laundry” to myself. Not quite comfortable airing my really personal stuff out for the world to see. But I just have to say something. This is totally unlike me, but it will eat me alive if I don’t.
I had some nasty comments directed my way last week by a member of my family. Not through this blog, I might mention, and it was totally out of the blue. I will not disclose who made these comments, for their privacy, although I do not believe that they’ll ever read this.
Among the loads of comments that were just total crap, it was said that I “don’t do enough for Taylor at home” and I should “start doing more with her because her school won’t do it all” and it was also said that I “favor Aaron and Emma over Taylor because they are my “typical” children and she is autistic”.
First off, let me tell you that I flipped out when I heard this. Second hand, mind you, because this person is supposedly too good to speak to me in person. This person is family. Like close family.
All the other things this person said does not matter to me at all. I’ve had personal attacks from said person before. But this is the first time they have brought my kids into it.
I am having a really hard time dealing with this.
Ever since then I have started to have doubts about my parenting. Do I favor Aaron and Emma? Do I think less of, or treat Taylor different because of her autism? Am I a bad mother? Am I doing enough for Taylor at home?
Self doubt is a big part of who I used to be. It has taken years to shake the self doubt and make my life better.
Now I can feel it creeping back into my consciousness.
Why do I care what this person thinks?
Why can’t I dismiss these comments like the rest?
I have not spoken to this person. I do not wish to. Although there is so much I want to say. Given the opportunity, I don’t even know if I could really say what I want to. More than likely, anything said in my defense would be turned around into an attack on them. It always happens that way.
I have no idea where to go from here.