A Moment of Serious

Most of my blog post are lighthearted and fun.  I rarely have ranting posts (except about the weather…hate winter!).  But this subject has been really bugging me for the last week or so and I really feel I need to get it out there.

I keep most of my “dirty laundry” to myself.  Not quite comfortable airing my really personal stuff  out for the world to see.  But I just have to say something.  This is totally unlike me, but it will eat me alive if I don’t.

I had some nasty comments directed my way last week by a member of my family.  Not through this blog, I might mention, and it was totally out of the blue.  I will not disclose who made these comments, for their privacy, although I do not believe that they’ll ever read this. 

Among the loads of comments that were just total crap, it was said that I “don’t do enough for Taylor at home” and I should “start doing more with her because her school won’t do it all” and it was also said that I “favor Aaron and Emma over Taylor because they are my “typical” children and she is autistic”. 

Hmmm…

First off, let me tell you that I flipped out when I heard this.  Second hand, mind you, because this person is supposedly too good to speak to me in person.  This person is family.  Like close family.

All the other things this person said does not matter to me at all.  I’ve had personal attacks from said person before.  But this is the first time they have brought my kids into it. 

I am having a really hard time dealing with this.

Ever since then I have started to have doubts about my parenting.  Do I favor Aaron and Emma?  Do I think less of, or treat Taylor different because of her autism?  Am I a bad mother?  Am I doing enough for Taylor at home?

Self doubt is a big part of who I used to be.  It has taken years to shake the self doubt and make my life better.  

Now I can feel it creeping back into my consciousness.

Why do I care what this person thinks?

Why can’t I dismiss these comments like the rest?

I have not spoken to this person.  I do not wish to.  Although there is so much I want to say.  Given the opportunity, I don’t even know if I could really say what I want to.  More than likely, anything said in my defense would be turned around into an attack on them.  It always happens that way.

I have no idea where to go from here.

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13 thoughts on “A Moment of Serious

  1. My Dad resisted the “Autism” label for a few years – he repeatedly told me that he thought my son just wasn’t receiving enough discipline from me and my husband. I resented that for a long time. Now he is on-board with the diagnosis and much more supportive. It took a while but I just hated the sight of him when he’d say those things. So – not the same, but I can relate. Take care!

  2. I’m so sorry that someone said some nasty things to you, especially someone who is supposed to be “in the circle.” Keep your head up high and know that you are doing the best that you can with everything in your life and that is all that God or anyone can ever ask of you. Hugs!!

  3. Ugh. Don’t you hate it when people who are supposed to be your support network don’t support you at all? And it’s so easy for others to sit on the outside and tell you what you “should” be doing, when they have no real idea of what your day to day life is like.

    Keep your head up. You’re a good mother. To all your kids.

  4. So sorry someone’s nasty comments are getting to you.

    I say trust your gut. You know what is best for you and your family. Don’t let someone else’s unsolicited opinions of you shape the way you think. You are a good mother!

  5. You know that you are a great mommy. You have 3 awesome kids, and I am positive that you are doing everything exactly right.
    don’t lose your confidence. You are good.

  6. This is what I learned about teachers / family / friends judging how I handle my dyslexic child or my bi-polar step-child. They can’t possibly comment on what happens in the house because they don’t live in the house. It is impossible, and should not be expected, that you would handle two children the same. This is even more true when one child is special needs.
    -d

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  8. I am SO sorry for the ignorance. Because that is all it is. You are an awesome Mom with wonderful kids – everything else is just noise my friend.

  9. This really touches a nerve. I think as parents of special needs kids we never feel like we can do enough … for ANY of our kids. When I’m giving Jack what he needs, most of the time Amy isn’t getting what she needs … and vice-versa.

    To have someone pile on and criticize you is just inexcusable, cruel and ignorant. Love your kids in the beautiful, uneven, perfect way that you always do. That’s what is meant to be….

    And bad, bad karma for the meanie in your life … .They’ve got some big lessons to learn…

  10. Ugh. I’m so sorry someone said something like that. Totally inexcusable. I think that people say stuff like that to make their own inadequacies seem smaller.

    You know that you are a good mom. Your children know you are a good mom. That’s what matters.

  11. I absolutely hate that us families that are mixed with autistic and normal children get beat up by hateful comments like this by ignorant people. I’ve been there. I know how it hurts. I’ve blocked out many folks from my life because of junk like this. I wish I had advice but all I got is a cyber hug {{{hugs}}}. It will get better 🙂

  12. People who are mean and cruel are that way because they’re unhappy in their own lives and need to complain about others to distract themselves from the failures that they themselves are……

    If they REALLY had a legitimate concern then they should be looking out for the interest of the child and confronting you DIRECTLY, not through malicious gossip.

    Hugs

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